I talked to the dude at Expressions today aaaaaand they're ordering Starbuzz and Al Fakher! No idea when it'll get there, but they finally took the initiative, and that's what counts. Good job, college head shop! Having never ordered Starbuzz because it's too damn expensive online, I'm excited.

Also, Al Waha's After Nine is my new favorite cheap shisha. Smoke was a little wimpy at first, but I think that was a matter of the coals I'd been using not having been hot enough. Not having a stove with coils sucks. The side-dish part of the grill is my alternative, but that still takes forEVER, and if I use a small coal I have to hold the damn thing with tongs. It normally ends with me getting impatient and just waiting for the coal to burn through on its own for a while.

I finally got a new nose stud, which was my primary reason for going into town. I'm tired of using bend-your-own varieties (I always end up bending it too loose or too tight), and my piercing isn't big enough to handle anything besides practically the smallest gauge. Also, my nose in general is just too small for most twist varities (thank god it's catching up with the rest of my face), but I finally found one that worked... I just had to press through a bit of scar tissue to get it in right. That was left over from when I was an idiot and took my original piercing out for the first time over a sink with an open drain, then had to wait a couple of days to get a new stud (at which point the freshish piercing had started healing), and I had to re-pierce the new tissue. That was gross. Messing with piercings is gross. They're fun to have, but not fun to mess with. Remember that.

Anyway, then I washed my hands, cause boogers are gross too.

Bonus: A fair bit of off-brand shisha and two studs came out to just $22! Not having money is an adventure.


Finally, I just found out the new medication I JUST started taking for my insomnia is one of the misbranded drugs Pfizer is getting sued for. Which is fine, because I take atypical antipsychotics purely because of their sedation side effects -- I guess if I had schziophrenia, though, I'd be pissed at Pfizer right now. Benzos and nonbenzos have absolutely no effect on me... which is okay, I guess, since I don't really like getting addicted to pills or hallucinating or sleepwalking. If you can name a drug normally used to treat insomnia, I've taken it, and they were all shit. Lunesta gave me this gross taste in my mouth, too. Basically, I would suck hardcore at being a recreational drug user.

Ooookay, I think this entry is long enough for talking about nothing.

Crazy RoboSanta in the middle is our first ornament. The apple above it was my parents'.
Bonus adorable Christmas 1989 ornament to the left.

Mark and I did a crapload of shopping today, even though we were both basically too exhausted to move even when we first started... he worked all day and night, I was up coughing and had to rely on the black magic of vodka to finally get me to stop. Which means I fell asleep, but didn't sleep well. And neither of us slept long. Note to self: After purchasing new bottle of Nyquil, do not place it in a location where you cannot find it when you are ill and really desperately need it.

Ugh.

Anyway, I still have a ton of shopping left and it's driving me nuts. I have tomorrow and part of Friday; I'm driving to Pittsboro as usual to leave flowers for Eric that afternoon. Saturday morning we leave for Wilmington to begin CHRISTMAS... part one of... what... five, six, potentially?

Also, WHAT DO YOU BUY FOR CHILDREN??? Kate has the inside track here, I know. But my mom was all A+ on buying gifts for the kids (I helped!) for Christmas -- so I could be part of the "Bonnie, Travis, & Sarah" card. And once I turned 18 my mom would still help me get my shit together, and she'd pick out something genius or whatever.

BUT I DON'T HAVE KIDS AND I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT. Like, Eva, I can totally chill and remember (mostly) the kind of stuff I wanted when I was six. I mean, things have changed since '93, but Eva's a chill kid. I see Harper once a year so I don't even know what he's doing. Like, I think he was walking around and saying words last year. I imagine things have progressed? I haven't seen the twins in a year either, but I'm trying to put myself in Matt & Kim's position -- I don't want to get the girls things that'll just crowd up the house, or that they won't use/play with/whatever... and then with baby "11/12" (as I am dubbing her), I don't want to make life any more complicated. And I feel like 11/12 (aka Matt & Kim) should get something for Christmas too.

Being one of the three cousins without children and then, of those three, being the only one not living with my parents has put me in a crappy position.

MY BRAIN.
MY WALLET.
MY WALLETTTTTTTT.
(and mark's)

I need to sleep.

I got on the internet to post a new alcoholic drink I have invented and of which have become a #1 fan.

2 parts Margarita mix
2 parts vodka
1 part orange juice

I call it The Russian Sabbatical. No ice/freezing/blending/mixing required, as long as contents are cold to begin with (vodka from freezer). Ice is optional, in case you must have cold -- but in my mind, a Ruski has traveled to Mexico and is enjoying a nice brunch margarita (thus the OJ) on the beach. It is sickeningly sweet and fruity and girly and cheap and retarded but effects are lovely.

I haven't tried it with Aristocrat, but I'm hazarding a guess that even the crappiest vodka is undetectable. It's like Gogo's PJ.

I may just have waaaay too high of a tolerance; hopefully this is not the issue. Stereotypically, my people cannot handle their firewater. FYI, I can make a mean Gin & Sin, ask the fiancé.

Regardless -- semester's over: I'm spending the night on the couch watching TV, wasting time online, maybe doing some stupid PC gaming, drinking my beverage, and otherwise doing NOTHING.
Mark is asleep upstairs and Alex is asleep on the other couch. LIFE IS SO CHILL.

(also a+ to my Soulmate, Lykke Li is like water to my musical soul)

Things I Am Thankful For : 2008 Edition
(not entirely inclusive, obviously)

- Mark Oniffrey
- and subsequently my family, of course
- President-Elect Barack Obama and the election
- Emily Clark-Kramer
- My cervical treatment, and that it was caught early
- My (eventually) successful wisdom tooth removal
- Aylim Castro, Dr. Glen Martin, Lizzette Potthoff, Kathleen Transue, Dr. Lisa Emrich, Dr. Jon Williams, and Dr. Jim Kurz
- Getting off antidepressants
- Reconciling with Ed
- Being able to be with Pete when he died
- Meeting (and now knowing) Mark's friends
- The beginning of the year, to figure out where I was going
- Rikki's health
- Turning 21
- Ann Coulter's jaw being wired shut
- Sarah Palin. Seriously.

finally,

- hope.

I was looking back at other entries I made in September of previous years.

I don't really know how to describe it. I'm proud of who I was. I was messed up and I made huge mistakes, but christ, I was in living. I was living with every single ounce of my soul.

And now I'm scared that every year I grow older is going to take that away from me.

edit: and just for everyone's benefit (first of all, ECK TURNS 21 ON MONDAY HOLY CRAP), I found this post about her surpise party in 2003.

good news: did not die in a black hole last night.
bad news: still have to take latin test
other news: i have three doctors appointments today: 12:10-1, 1-2, 2:45-4
more good news: theresa is coming with me to sr. bar night at the library (because i missed he's not)

and i think dell is supposed to be dropping off my new laptop today. and that requires a signature. which is really, really lame.

I had a messed up dream last night, where I got charged with a DUI while I was driving sober (which is how I always drive). The police had me take a breathalyzer test and I apparently blew .993%. To put that in perspective, when you reach 0.40%, you will be dead.
So I got really upset and tried to tell them that their equipment had to be faulty, absolutely, and that they should subject me to other sobriety tests if they really thought I'd been drinking. But they arrested me anyway. I kept waking up and freaking out thinking, "omfg am I in jail?"

It was weird.

I had an idea. (UH OH)

Drinking age. It's my general understanding that college leaders are getting into the mix primarily because of their concern with binge drinking among their students. And it has been my experience -- you know, just stuff I've heard -- that most college kids drink, whether or not they're 21.

So... WHAT IF: The legal drinking age would drop to 18 -- ONLY for those either serving in the military or attending college (4-year?). Otherwise, kids are stuck until they're 21. I'd toy with the idea that more kids would consider higher education and work towards that as a goal. This could also impact the cost of a college education (positively?). And, an increase in volunteers for the military would effect the impact of war upon more families, i.e., constituents -- and thus, politicians. As it stands, a lot of 18-year-old kids joining up are those with few other options. The kids who HAVE options and CHOOSE not to take advantage of them would also be CHOOSING to forego their privilege to buy alcohol for an extra three years. The freshmen who jump into college and get TOTALLY WASTED to the point of alcohol poisoning as part of a social scene would suddenly be much less interesting.

The tentative idea of it makes me feel a little better. Less drunken rednecks and silver spoons drivin' around my highways.

Also, tornadoes are attacking Durham again. Thanks Fay.

And, instead of posting to my CCO forum at 11:59, I posted at 5:07. K THX I R AHEAD.

CNN.com thinks we should talk about lowering the drinking age. Let's do that.

Now, at 21, I don't know that I really matter much in this debate. But whatever. I spent 21 years being not 21.

In my mind, the problem is not in purchasing, but in distribution. Anyone who says that 21+s don't provide <21s with alcohol is apparently brain-dead. Go visit a college.

( Here's the ultimate list of NC's liquor laws... )

Here's my half-baked idea with a bunch of holes in it. Keep the purchasing age for alcohol at 21. Posession, though, at 18. That makes the 21+ at least halfway responsible for the actions of the 18 to 20-year-olds whom they provide with booze. Because, really, the kids are going to drink whether it's illegal or not. It's kind of like, I dunno, abstinence pledges...

Anyway, if enforced, one might give more of a shit when giving their underage friends alcohol. And kids under 18, at least in this country... seriously?

The whole "you have all the responsibility of an adult but you can't drink" argument is weird. 18-year-olds in North Carolina can get themselves some shotguns and chill. Some of them will join the military and come back all PTSD'd. While there are SEVERAL responsible 18-year-olds I know, generally, I don't like the idea of all or any of the other 18-year-olds with whiskey in one hand and their shotgun in the other.

Whatever. I'm 21. See, once you get old, you really DON'T care about the little people!! At least not till you have kids. Theoretically.

I suck.


Also, today was the first day of school and holy shit why do all underclassmen look the same?
That's right, I went there. KEEP YOUR INDIVIDUALITY, KIDS!

things are weird.

i'm not acting like myself. i'm irritable and angry and antisocial. fortunately, the fact that i am now 21 and can go to bars and stuff is nice. it sort of helps out with my overwhelming desire to be alone. ed and i went to... someplace on franklin st. last night. probably one of the best things to happen to me in like... weeks. i finally chilled out and could discuss things like a normal person. for four and a half hours. also the bartender was really nice.

i went to jordan's grave yesterday; his birthday was monday. his parents (who are now divorced) had apparently left flowers. i wish i could talk to them.

i wish a lot of things.

There is a lot of alcohol in my house. This is not a bad thing, but looking at all of it makes my stomach a little queasy. Like my body remembers, "girl, that shit fucked you up, stay away from that bullllllshit." But then I'm like, "holy crap there is a lot of alcohol in my house and also I am 21, yesssss."

Also, putting all excellence that is embodied in my boyfriend aside, his profession fits me like a puzzle piece. While I did have a horrible headache all day yesterday, I did not feel nauseous (thx fluid + Zofran).

Oh, and, hey, who gave me the Shiraz? It was in a gold bag. I feel like I thanked someone for it, but in case I didn't, thank you. :)

I don't know what I want to do. I kind of want to go buy alcohol, just because I can -- but obviously I don't need to do that. And I could buy a gun, or get my birth records had I been adopted, or go to a 21+ club, or... yeah. Stuff.

I'm going to get my driver's license changed this week, that's fo' sho'. They have to fix my height and eye color. AND REMOVE THE "UNDER 21" SHIT!!! :D

Soooooo, since I was birthed at 1:11 in the afternoon, I'm officially 21 full years old (incl. leap years).

Plans to be at the station with Mark fell through, so I decided to come to my parents' house so I wouldn't be alone. Except I forgot it was a Tuesday and that they were at work. The dog's not even here. So that's kind of lame. But at 1:11 I was looking at the polaroid from last night, so that made me feel better.

Thanks to everyone that came out last night. I feel so loved, and you guys are incredible. :)

(also, apologies that I ended up passing out, but it was totally my birthday)

Last night I dreamt about getting an airedale terrier with three legs, except he was mostly whitish instead of black and tan. He was really sweet. I bought him off e-Bay from some dude.

I also think I had a dream about flying through a really, really dark storm -- I was doing okay for a while, but then things got worse and I got tired and just started falling. Flying/falling dreams are cliché. I need new ones.

This week's PostSecret had three cards in a row that made me feel really weird, like PostSecret was reading my mind.

My 21st birthday is in 10 hours and 35 minutes. I will actually be 21 years old in 23 hours and 46 minutes.

NEAT.

you know who i totally forgot about and suddenly realize i miss to an incredible extent?

miss cleo.

you totally know what i mean.


ALSO I AM 21 IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS.
Although it occurred to me... just because I *CAN* buy alcohol doesn't mean I will always have the funds to do so.
Real life -- the whole paying bills, getting a job, budgeting -- yeah, screw that.

WHEE COLLEGE FOR ANOTHER YEAR!!! And a half, possibly! SUBSIDIZED LIFE VIA PARENTS!!!

so on the one hand we have textbooks, and on the other, we have fountains of booze.

oh man this is hard.

Provigil why are you being dumb and why am I sleepy?

In a day and a half I will be a grown-up, or something. Personally, I will consider myself a grown-up when I am 25 and can rent a car. I could also be a US Rep.

Then I will change Grown-Up Age to when I can be a Senator, at 30.

And after that, I will change it to 35, when I can be President (but seriously I would never want that job, bitches be crazy).

PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT, though. PUUUUUMMMMPPPPPEDDDD.

MUSCLE MILK!! HGH!!! PPROTIEENNNNN!! POWER BAAAARRRSS!!! JAGER BOMBS! JAGER BOMBS! JAGER BOMBS!