Things I Am Thankful For : 2008 Edition
(not entirely inclusive, obviously)

- Mark Oniffrey
- and subsequently my family, of course
- President-Elect Barack Obama and the election
- Emily Clark-Kramer
- My cervical treatment, and that it was caught early
- My (eventually) successful wisdom tooth removal
- Aylim Castro, Dr. Glen Martin, Lizzette Potthoff, Kathleen Transue, Dr. Lisa Emrich, Dr. Jon Williams, and Dr. Jim Kurz
- Getting off antidepressants
- Reconciling with Ed
- Being able to be with Pete when he died
- Meeting (and now knowing) Mark's friends
- The beginning of the year, to figure out where I was going
- Rikki's health
- Turning 21
- Ann Coulter's jaw being wired shut
- Sarah Palin. Seriously.

finally,

- hope.

So I have surgery on October 1st, and then again on October 3rd! And Mark's birthday is October 2nd!

HOLY SHIT.

okay, using my internetemobloginator to complain, again.

urban outfitters: i have a love/hate relationship with you. you are overpriced and somehow commercially scene-y, but i love some of your shit so much that i buy it.

here is the issue. i have checked, and all tops/dresses you sell are properly sized for me as a medium -- except I have boobs. the size you give for a medium bustline is an A 1/2 cup, maybe a B. through my many escapades of gaining/losing weight, i seem to absorb and then maintain my breast size. urban outfitters: why do you not believe in Cs? Little tiny triangle tops will not cover a C. I don't demand much. just like, an inch more of fabric. to keep, you know, my boobs from falling all over the place.

thx.

so, i have cancer.

eating
i was looking through some old pictures this afternoon and found one of myself in eighth grade. i remember feeling incredibly insecure about my body, convinced i was chubby. i found a couple where i look skeletal.

last september, when i was sick, i felt like everything was out of control, and i developed an eating disorder ("not otherwise specified" -- it was combination of anorexia and bulimia). (i'm a lot better now)

the guy i love, and have the fortune of living with, tells me almost every day how much he loves the way i look. as i've told him, i could feel terrible about my appearance that day, and almost as if he's reading my mind, he'll look at me and say something to the exact opposite effect of my insecurities.

no one can say, "stop worrying about your body" or "you look fine" -- and have you take their word.
everyone can say something to make your insecurities worse; even if it's completely innocuous.

for myself, i know that when everything else in this world is falling apart around me, i stop eating, because it lets me control something. and most of the time, i don't even realize i'm doing it. once i realize what's going on, though, it normally gets worse.

so anyone could say, love your body, treat it well, you are beautiful -- but words can't even put a band-aid on the situation when you're in that state of mind.
the only thing you can be sure of is that you are loved. even when it doesn't really seem to help, that is a constant. that will always be there, and along with that, help.

medication

you do not have to have sex to get HPV. HPV causes 70% of all cases of cervical cancer and 90% of all cases of genital warts.

every year in the united states, there are six million new cases of HPV. 74% of those cases occur in people 15 to 24. 80% of women will have HPV by the time they're fifty.

there are thirty strains of HPV. the cervical cancer cases are caused by two. the genital warts cases are caused by another two. there is a vaccine to prevent you from getting all four of those strains.

it is called gardasil. my doctor had never had any of her patients have any side-effects. they are extremely rare, and looking at the list, i'd say the worst one would be vomiting.

if you are a woman who is 26 or younger, please call your doctor, make an appointment to just go in and get the shot, please. those commercials really are telling you something extremely important. and now i am. if there is one thing i will ever ask you to do and ever really, really mean it -- this is it.



just felt like getting all of that out there.