TWO THINGS

1) Something inside me is bleeding again, and over the past 24 hours I've gotten paler and paler and generally more exhausted. It's weird this time, it started with a horrible headache which has not gone away. And then abdomnial pain, as per usual. I think this entire issue can be chalked up to how liberal I am. (get it, get it, bleeding heart liberal, get it)

2) I spent almost the entire day today watching episodes of America's Best Dance Crew on my lappy. I have no idea why I care or even how I got there.

3) Chad sent in the appraisal. We were under contract for our second offer, which was 112k. Bank appraised the house for -- wait for it -- 112k. Which means,

I JUST GOT PRESCRIBED A DRUG FOR REPETITIVE SCREAMING!!!!!!

AWESOME!!!!



i am loling my face off

*(i wasn't prescribed the drug FOR repetitive screaming, it just happens to be a drug which treats repetitive screaming)

i have walking pneumonia, again, as if this is news. my doctor told me i have to go to the hospital in a week if i don't get better by then.

i normally wait too long to take care of this anyway, but there's too much fluid building up in my lungs or something like that and she thinks i'm going to get real pneumonia if i don't react to the z-pack immediately.

oh yeah and classes start on monday.


ehhhhhh.

alex bought me gatorade on his way home this morning and has been checking in on me. we watched the first 48 and now i'm ready to go back to sleep again. besides that i've been basically playing tetris on my ds.

i am so lame.

THERE IS NO HOPE

sleep and i will just never work.

also i have had an intermittent cough for like 2 months now? and my head keeps getting all... stuffy. maybe it's doctor time.


eh.



i think i'm going to call this realtor to look at a house right down the road from our townhouse.

it's tiny and (from the outside) adorable. i see it every time i drive home. i promised mark i wouldn't fall in love with it or something stupid.

it's not like we have the money to buy a house or anything. but we were remembering what it was like when i was kind of living with him in his one-bedroom place before we moved, and how nice it was to be so close, and how cheap it was (well, would have been).



man.

i have to plan a wedding and stuff.

i also have to graduate.

yeah, not this semester! psssh. high-five if you're on the 4 1/2+ plan!

Things I Am Thankful For : 2008 Edition
(not entirely inclusive, obviously)

- Mark Oniffrey
- and subsequently my family, of course
- President-Elect Barack Obama and the election
- Emily Clark-Kramer
- My cervical treatment, and that it was caught early
- My (eventually) successful wisdom tooth removal
- Aylim Castro, Dr. Glen Martin, Lizzette Potthoff, Kathleen Transue, Dr. Lisa Emrich, Dr. Jon Williams, and Dr. Jim Kurz
- Getting off antidepressants
- Reconciling with Ed
- Being able to be with Pete when he died
- Meeting (and now knowing) Mark's friends
- The beginning of the year, to figure out where I was going
- Rikki's health
- Turning 21
- Ann Coulter's jaw being wired shut
- Sarah Palin. Seriously.

finally,

- hope.

today has been 100% concentrated shit.

http://www.popcrunch.com/this-guy-loves-apostrophes-almost-as-much-as-he-loves-jesus/

Mark (in jest): "Yeah, I'm definitely all of that first column"
(I question a few of them, which he starts eliminating)
"You're a wifebeater?"
"No."
"Who's your wife? I need to know about this."
"You don't have to worry about it, I already beat her to death."
"..."


Also, I passed out for no reason a little while ago and hit my head on the kitchen floor and it hurts. I think I need to eat, or drink, or go to the doctor or something.
Yeah, need to call my doctor tomorrow.

i have a cold.

also, i took one of those stupid multivitamins this morning -- they make me sick, and i always fucking forget that they make me sick. there's some extra shit in them that just makes me nauseous the whole day. and i always fucking forget. so now i feel sick.

my sleeping habits have been beyond retarded for the past... oh, three weeks?

i have to go see my doctor, but when i tried to make an appointment this afternoon, apparently all the computers were down, so i couldn't. so what the hell.

i kind of feel like lots of shit is wrong. and that there are a million people asking me to do things and i just kind of want to curl up in a ball and sleep. so i know that's not right. which is kind of why i need to see a doctor.

so what the hell.

My oral surgeon just stuck "clove" in my mouth. Her words.
I now have the unique talent of being able to perfectly replicate the smell of a forest fire with my breath.
My mouth doesn't hurt as much, though, really.

I have lost 10 lbs in 10 days. I think that had something to do with me either not wanting or not being able to eat.

Mmmmm.

I have found the best human being, living or dead, on the face of the planet. Anyone looking to argue with me is looking to throw down.

This includes Helen Keller.




also my bottom left jaw had an abortion this morning. my doctor told me it is not a dry socket but i think he was on a golf course.

selections from an e-mail to my parents:



"I look like a chipmunk tripping on Percocet.

I did eat pudding with a spoon, though..."


"I have to register for classes tomorrow at 9 AM. That’s retarded.

Mark’s co-workers were going to take him out to bars tonight but, instead, he is next to me in bed telling me I’m pretty, so I’m pretty sure he’s either been taking my Percocet too, or, he likes me."


conversation with mark:

"all i have to do is go out there and leave a flower."
"maybe we can get lunch. you can eat bread, and i can get whatever i want."
"... you're a dick."





MY FACE/MOUTH/JAW/FACIAL APPARATI HURTS

So... I think it was last... winter? Maybe late last fall. I checked myself into UNC for observation, because I was really concerned that my antidepressants weren't doing the trick and I was stressed the hell out.

I ended up getting there after five, and for some reason that meant I had to spend eight hours in the ER, most of that time with violent offenders. That was super fun.
Around midnight, the only bed I could have had opened up in the ED ward, and they took me to my room where my "roommate" was asleep -- though I had no idea there was actually a person in the room with me. The next morning, I already knew I was in absolutely the wrong place, as they were treating me for an eating disorder which I didn't have, and they were actually not giving me any of my medications, which, just in 24 hours, made me an anxious, exhausted, depressed, and irritated wreck. I demanded that they release me, since I checked myself in voluntarily -- but because they'd put me in the ED ward, they wouldn't let me leave until like 6 that evening. I was pissed off.

Anyway -- the girl I shared a room with for six hours was about 80 pounds and 5'9. I think that's what it was. She couldn't move on her own -- she was essentially a skeleton already when I saw her. It was terrifying.

Apparently she died in May.

I don't know what made me think of that.

i spent yesterday afternoon/evening in student health with an IV in my arm.

stomach flu!

don't touch anyone at UNC, you'll catch it. i was like the 30th person they'd seen just that day.

So I have surgery on October 1st, and then again on October 3rd! And Mark's birthday is October 2nd!

HOLY SHIT.

good news: did not die in a black hole last night.
bad news: still have to take latin test
other news: i have three doctors appointments today: 12:10-1, 1-2, 2:45-4
more good news: theresa is coming with me to sr. bar night at the library (because i missed he's not)

and i think dell is supposed to be dropping off my new laptop today. and that requires a signature. which is really, really lame.

Both my stomach and my lungs are screwed up at the same time. JUST LIKE LAST AUGUST. Except totally different circumstances. In addition to and because of the above, I'm sleeping more, and I'm getting behind on my reading because of that. And that's not going to fly, because I am completely dedicated to staying on top of my assignments this semester.

midnight, bedtime.

i also apparently suck at coping and communicating with those who love me.

i'm sorry.

so, i have cancer.

i have been really moody recently
i don't make sense
kind of wishing my doctor would call, don't know exactly what i'll do if i don't hear anything tomorrow.

emily, i am a failure and i'm sorry. my dentist appt lasted forEVER and then i came home and laid on the couch half-passed out for the rest of the night.

Last night I dreamt about getting an airedale terrier with three legs, except he was mostly whitish instead of black and tan. He was really sweet. I bought him off e-Bay from some dude.

I also think I had a dream about flying through a really, really dark storm -- I was doing okay for a while, but then things got worse and I got tired and just started falling. Flying/falling dreams are cliché. I need new ones.

This week's PostSecret had three cards in a row that made me feel really weird, like PostSecret was reading my mind.

My 21st birthday is in 10 hours and 35 minutes. I will actually be 21 years old in 23 hours and 46 minutes.

NEAT.